Song: “Paddington Ghost”

Rating: C

I suppose this video provides its viewer a visual response to a question indie fans have long struggled with: “What the fuck is a Paddington Ghost?”

It answers this question with Tootsie Pop ghosts, cheap hand-crafted backdrops and Beanie Babies. There’s something to be respected about putting so much effort into simplicity but the Dan Deacon puppet at 2:12 (whoops, did I ruin it?) is an unwelcome surprise.

A Proud Subsidiary of Yu Wan Mei Amalgated Salvage Fisheries And Polymer Injection Corp.

Good parodists, in my belief, should remain relevant in their subject matter.  While there’ll always be time-honored conceptions for folks to fall back on for gags (ex.: politicians are dumb, celebrities are dumber, the American populance is dumbest), what seperates the weak from the strong in the field of humor-mongering is an ability to reflect the changing world.

Enter The Onion, the parody newspaper that almost never misses a beat in it’s fake coverage. Now that the current recession has laid waste to the print industry, we learn that even the parody paper has had to make certain concessions. The consequences have been absolutely positively hilarious.

 Taking a laugh at Old Media in it’s darkest hour is ballsy and ought to be applauded, especially after having to swallow a fat slice of reality themselves.

Artist: Snoop Dogg

Song: “Vato”

Rating: D

Long since he started his professional career, the music of Snoop Dogg has long since been associated with incredibly terrible artwork.

Is beauty in the eye of the beholder? In this case, no. Not at all. Looking like a scrapped-up Flash animation that was rushed cuz the collaborating artists smoked way too much fucking weed trying to drum up inspiration, this just might be the worse Snoop Dogg video ever. The style is best described as an anime-inspired 20-dollar South Padre shirt brought to life. It moves along with the song quite but, c’mon Snoop, this looks like total shit. I am way too lazy to look up this video’s animators, but fifty bucks says certain family ties got them commisioned for this video.

Artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic
Song: “Skipper Dan”

Rating: C

I have to assume that the perennial parodist known as “Weird Al” Yankovic has moved into a difficult stage in his life and here’s why: all of his music videos since “White & Nerdy”, each and every one, has been an animated collection. Now he’s being subjected to releasing singles online, including this depressing ditty about what happens when a person with stocky arms reach for their golden plate dreams.

I, one embittered fan, want back my classic live-action videos, not these flash animation atrocities. No, they’re not that bad- most are actually good (this video is decent, at best) and some kudos has to be awarded to Yankovic for extending a hand to the hard-working artists of the Internet, less they be sentenced to fifty years cranking out airline safety videos. On the other hand, leave the flash animation to the internets. I want my ALTV.

Maybe it’s just a case of “It’s only considered classic because you enjoyed it as a kid” syndrome, but I find certain older works outright phenomenal. Consider the career-spanning works of  “I Lost On Jeopardy” (best moment @ 1:47), “Gump” (best moment @ 1:33) and “Amish Paradise” (best moment @ 2:50). The Weird Al movie was fucking funny too. Of course, there will always be a special place in my heart for “Fat” (particularly the line at 0:28). Yankovic is still fairly funny in his songs, but the Al I know and loved wore jherri curls and uncle-glasses and did the live action videos like a good entertainment industry peon.

Song: “Sun Lips”

Rating: A

I’m not going to give away the theme for this video. It’s one of those types that treats you real well after about 45 seconds of viewing. You know the type; you watch with patient observance, notice a pattern and feel all the smarter for it. I appreciate videos like that. They make me feel clever.

Beyond that, animal ghosts are fucking hilarious.

Artist: MGMT

Song: “Kids“

Rating: A-

This is a pretty good music video. The mushheads known as MGMT are some of the biggest indie stars out there, and from written reports, they really don’t need “Time To Pretend” that they’re rockstars. And being that rockstars break taboos, MGMT has gone above and beyond fucking everything in their path  fostering helium addictions; they’re traumatizing children. Fuck, they’re traumatizing me.

And from the looks of it, they’re doing a pretty damn good job. This video is above and beyond bizarre and by opening with that goofy Mark Twain quote, well, I guess they’re making a statement about the seriousness of music videos. I’m glad someone has finally found the way. Best of luck to that kid in milking his trauma for all that it’s worth.

Also, one should take note that this is the “official” MGMT music video, but since they their damn time in pumping it out, someone went ahead and made an decent one that looks like a real video and has millions and millions of views. Way to go guys.

Artist: Kasabian
Video: “Vlad The Impaler”
Rating: B+

I know shit. I literally know shit – I can tell if something sucks, whether it’s a film, TV show, music. I’ve developed a type of internal “shit indicator”, giving me the innate ability to determine a factor of terribleness usually just by holding the product, viewing the movie poster or giving a glimpse to the cover art. This ability was developed over years of exposure to some of man’s most atrocious films ever set to celluloid. Of course, mankind’s most vile generally belong to the horror film genre. Mike D will attest; he’s witnessed a fair share of abominations at my side.

Perhaps that’s why this video from the U.K.’s latest album hits home in all the right places with its little homages to shitty horror movies: Italian director, slightly grainy film, ultra-cheap set, the pasty-faced bowl cut villain with a ridiculous weapon. It’s almost as if Kasabian titled their track with the intent of churning out a throwback to the golden age of shitty horror flicks. Especially the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it special effect. You’ll know what I’m talking about it when you see it. You’ll know.

Song: “Two Weeks”

Artist: Grizzly Bear

Rating: B-

Here’s a game: put on this video, minimize the window, and just listen to the song.

Done? Now watch the video. This is the kind of video you watch after you’ve heard the song a couple of times, because otherwise the smiling glowing cherubs ruin it. This is music where the visuals should come to you fairly easily without any kind of visual guidance and though that can be argued for most music videos, that’s a discussion for another time.

I kinda like it, I’ll admit. It’s like your odd little cousin: kind of obnoxious, yet still earnest in its distinctiveness. And different, it is. It feels like the work of a true Brooklyn bohemian, a real ugly type who’ll knock around Williamsburg with the band. In actuality Mr. Director  hails from Cali and has a pretty impressive video-making resume and probably doesn’t have time to hang out with bow-tie wearing dorks between his sit-down with Karen O and watching first-draft reels of his Milli Vanilli biopic. 

But this video is not California. It’s almost plain. It’s almost boring. And therein lies the trick; all a decent video needs is a little something-something for the clever consumer to pick up on, a little treat to reward them for paying good attention. Sometimes the treat’s worth the trouble, sometimes it’s not. The “Two Weeks” video falls in between with our hero’s ever-so-slightly distorted facial features, noticeable even before they get glowing.  Who doesn’t enjoy a little Uncanny Valley every now and then?